Sex with your ex: Dangers of sleeping with your former partner

What are the possible effects of sleeping with your ex

You dated someone, and you broke up; then at some point you started sleeping with them again, but you never “got back together.” You knew this wasn’t a great idea, but you did it anyways. I want to share with you the dangers of sex with your ex from my experience.

When I was 21 I dated a guy whom I had amazing sexual chemistry with. The sex was off the charts; however the downside was that our relationship was plagued with drama. Within a few weeks of us “breaking up” we were sleeping together again. Don’t miss reading these top 10 maximum ridiculous sex suggestions to consider

Speaking from experience, hooking up with your ex is a slippery slope. What usually ends in an emotional tailspin of epic proportions, often begins as a good idea, but puts you in a state you never wanted.

Below are 9 dangers of having sex with your ex:

1. Recipe for Disaster

“I went through this phase for quite a while with my ex and it was a recipe for disaster. It’s great in the moment, but it is ultimately the equivalent of an emotional disaster for at least one of the parties involved.”

2. Sex with your ex will set You Back

“If you want to hijack and dismantle all the grieving and healing work you’ve done up to this point, by all means, go sleep with your ex. But if you want to continue to move forward into healing with your head held high, refrain. Do not let a few moments of passion undo all the hard work you’ve done. It is not worth it. It will send you reeling and send you back months and months healing-wise.”

3. You may be putting your health at risk

After we had called it quits for good, I discovered my ex had been sleeping with several other people while he was still having regular sex with me. Luckily, we always practiced safe sex and neither of us ended up with any STIs. However, many people are not as lucky. If you’re going to sleep with your ex, always use condoms and practice safe sex. No matter how much you think you still love this person, engaging in risky behavior with them is never worth the cost to your life.

4. It may complicate other relationships you’re involved in.

“While we may view sex with an ex occurring when neither is in a new relationship, my experience suggests that more often it’s more complicated,” says Block. Usually, one or both exes are in new relationships and, though sex with an ex might feel good in the moment, they have to deal with the guilt of cheating on someone or even run the risk of their new partners finding out.

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5. It may make you miss having a relationship.

“The continuation of the sexual relationship may be a longing for something that is no longer available,” says Block. Every time you’re with your ex, you might end up feeling nostalgic for what used to be. And as keeping things strictly physical gets tougher, you mind find yourself wanting a fuller relationship, which, you’ve already determined cannot happen with your ex.

6. It may lead to a new beginning with your ex.

Sex with an ex might help you realize you want to give things another go. While it might have started out as just sex, both of you or maybe just one of you might start imagining reconciliation, says Block. Now, since both of you might not be up for it, you can take this as a negative, but if you talk it out and both find you can work through the things that separated you in the first place, sex with an ex might have been a great idea, after all.

7. It can lead to emotional attachment again.

“Sex can occur without a lot of emotional attachment, but [oftentimes] that is not what occurs,” says Block. “For some women, continuing a sexual relationship with an ex can bring back the hurt and anguish of the broken relationship creating a painful déjà vu.”

8. It may lead to a cycle of break-ups.

“A few couples may reconnect,” O’Reilly says. But usually, couples who reconcile after having sex with each other will end up breaking up again. “Sex with your ex leads to a cycle of break-ups and disappointments all the way. For many, it’s a band-aid solution that delays that prevents you from moving on,” she adds. “Research shows that time heals heartbreak and rejection and the chemical process involved in sex can counteract this process—particularly for those for who sex is a bonding experience.”

9. It can reopen old wounds.

“Getting together sexually with an ex is risky,” says Block. Being together again can force old issues and old pain to resurface just when you were starting to move forward.

“For example, what if the only part of a previous relationship that worked, and worked well, was the sex?” he asks. If one of you wanted children and the other wasn’t ready, you might find yourself having those tough and heated conversations all over again and feeling down about how you could never work it out.

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